The Best Views in the Solar System (Handy-Dandy Reference Chart)

NOTE: The following originally appeared on Solar System Heritage. I am reposting it here taking some feedback/corrections into account, and also cleaning up formatting, etc.

I am working on a story whose opening scene is planned to be on Callisto with a view of Jupiter. When writing this scene, I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to know about how large Jupiter looms in Callisto’s sky in real life, to give my story just a touch of extra-gritty realness? Or, for that matter, to know how big all the various bodies of the Solar System appear when viewed from the other bodies?

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a reference chart with this info. So, I have started putting one together myself. I am not a math person by any stretch of the imagination, but I know how to google haha. I found that to calculate the apparent size of something, one uses this fairly simple formula…

arctan(diameter/distance) 

“Diameter” is the diameter of the object you are looking at. “Distance” is how far away it is. “Arctan” is a trigonometry function (inverse tangent); just look for a website that will calculate arctan for you. Easy-peasy, space-lemon-squeezy.

Applying this formula will get you a number in degrees (or radians if you prefer), and one can get a sense of how this big or small something appears by using the same formula on common objects seen at arm’s length and comparing your results to each other.

Below is a table of views of various objects in the Solar System by vantage point and approximate apparent size when viewed therefrom, using the formula. As noted above, math is not my strong suit, so my calculations may very well be far off of the reality. (Note: I added a few inches to the average length of the human arm to account for the fact that "arm's length", in this context, is the distance from your eyes to your fingertips rather than shoulder to fingertips.) 

One thing to keep in mind is that, in real life, most people grossly overestimate the apparent size of objects in the sky. If you ask a random person how big the moon appears in the Earth's night sky, they will frequently say something like “a dinner plate” or “a softball” or even “a basketball”, but that isn’t even close to correct. In fact, you can easily hide the moon behind the tip of your pinkie finger held at arm’s length. One can only imagine what people would think of seeing something that actually does hang in the sky like a basketball, like Mars as seen from Deimos, let alone larger, like Saturn as seen from Mimas!

View of the Sun (865,000 miles diameter)

• from Vulcan (assuming ~20 million miles from the Sun): about two and a half degrees -- a ping-pong ball held at arm's length
• from Mercury (~42 million miles from the Sun): slightly more than one degree -- a U.S. penny (one-cent coin) or euro two-cent coin held at arm's length
• from Venus: can't see the Sun on account of the thick clouds (in fiction, the Sun is generally assumed to cause a diffuse glow in the sky at least)
• from Earth (~92 million miles from the Sun): about half a degree -- your pinkie fingernail held at arm's length (coincidentally, the Moon and the Sun have very nearly the same apparent size from Earth)
• from Mars (~138 million miles from the Sun): about a third of a degree -- an average-sized green pea held at arm's length
• from Ceres (~258 million miles from the Sun): about a fifth of a degree -- the head of a pin held at arm's length
• from Neptune or Pluto (~3 billion miles from the Sun): about a sixth of a degree -- at this point, the Sun is not much bigger than a star, though still much brighter than a star (in fact, still bright enough to cause a twilight "day" in this part of the Solar System)
• from Ultima Thule or Planet X (~4 billion miles from the Sun): about an eighth of a degree -- the Sun appears to be a bright star

View of Earth (7,926.3 miles diameter)

• from Luna (about 238,000 miles from Earth): slightly less than two degrees -- the Earth appears about the size of a U.S. half-dollar coin or British 50p coin held at arm's length

View of Mars (4,212 miles diameter)

• from Phobos (3,700 miles away): about 49 degrees -- about as big as a giant (90cm) beach ball held at arm's length
• from Deimos (14,600 miles away): about 16 degrees -- a small watermelon held at arm's length

View FROM Mars 

• of Phobos (diameter 14 miles): takes up about a fifth of a degree, or about as big as a pinhead held at arm's length (fun fact: Phobos rises and sets about twice per Martian day due to its crazy fast orbital speed)
• of Deimos: it looks much like a star
• of Earth and Luna: they can be seen, individually, with the naked eye from Mars (just as Mars can be seen from Earth with the naked eye); they look much like stars (fun fact: Luna is the only moon in the Solar System that can be seen with the naked eye from the surface of a planet other than its host)

View of Jupiter (~89,000 miles diameter)

• from Io (about 217,000 miles away): about 22 degrees -- a big watermelon held at arm's length
• from Europa (about 414,000 miles away): about 12 degrees -- a cantaloupe held at arm's length
• from Ganymede (about 665,000 miles away): about 7 degrees -- a softball held at arm's length
• from Callisto (about 1.1 million miles away): about 4 degrees -- a baseball or cricket ball held at arm's length

View of Saturn (74,500 miles diameter excluding rings; outer diameter of the "A" ring is about 170,000 miles) NOTE: Saturn's closest moons are lined up with the rings (indeed are part of the ring system), hence viewing them edge-on and from within, spoiling the view

• from Mimas (115,000 miles from Saturn): Saturn itself takes up about 32 degrees of sky -- equivalent to a 55cm pilates balance ball held at arm's length
• from Enceladus (148,000 miles from Saturn): Saturn itself takes up about 27 degrees -- equivalent to a medium-sized (45cm) beach ball held at arm's length
• from Titan: Titan's thick atmosphere would probably obscure the view from Titan
• from Iapetus (2,213,000 miles from Saturn):
• Saturn itself takes up slightly less than two degrees in the sky -- about like a U.S. half-dollar coin or British 50p coin held at arm's length
• The rings should appear to take up about 4 degrees of sky -- the diameter of a baseball or cricket ball held at arm's length (but disk-shaped instead of spherical, of course)
• The orbit of Iapetus is such that it should get a decent view of the rings (i.e. not edge-on)
• from Phoebe (~8 million miles from Saturn):
• Saturn itself takes up about half a degree -- your pinkie fingernail held at arm's length
• The rings should appear to take up about one and a quarter degree -- a bit smaller than a U.S. nickel (5-cent coin) or euro five-cent coin held at arm's length
• The orbit of Phoebe is such that it should get a decent view of the rings (i.e. not edge-on), though it is kind of far away

View of Uranus (~32,000 miles diameter)

• from Miranda (80,000 miles away): about 22 degrees -- a big watermelon held at arm's length
• from Ariel (119,000 miles away): about 15 degrees -- a small watermelon held at arm's length
• from Umbriel (165,000 miles away): about 11 degrees -- a cantaloupe held at arm's length
• from Titania (271,000 miles away): about 7 degrees -- a softball held at arm's length

View of Neptune (~34,000 miles diameter)

• from Triton (220,000 miles away): about 9 degrees -- a shot-put held at arm's length

View of Pluto (~1,473 miles diameter)

• from Charon (3,161 miles away): about 25 degrees -- a medium-sized (45cm) beach ball held at arm's length

View FROM Pluto 

• of Charon (750 miles diameter): about 13 degrees --a cantaloupe held at arm's length

Happy National Handwriting Day!

January 23rd is National Handwriting Day, also known as John Hancock's birthday-- he whose handwriting is arguably most famous of all. In honor of this auspicious day, here are a few handwritten pangrams.

("Jackdaws" unfortunately got cut off in the photo, but you get the idea.)

Cypher System Character Creator - Now With Delicious Flavors!

I have finally gotten around to adding Flavors to the Cypher System Character Generator.

Keep in mind that "[t]he GM should always be involved in flavoring a type." (TCS Rulebook, page 50). If you are rolling up a player character, you'll want to check with your GM to make sure that your desired Type/Flavor combination fits in with the GM's vision of the world.

Also, the CS Character Generator will not stop you from making, for example, a Warrior with Combat flavor. The CS Rulebook points out that "very little" is gained from doing this, but there are a few Combat Flavor abilities that aren't offered to Warriors, so go nuts (subject to GM approval, obviously).

Also, just for fun, while I was at it I went ahead added a Genre of my own making to the generator: "Weird West/Steampunk" (think Deadlands/Doomtown, or Malifaux, or any of a thousand steampunk settings). It has some magic-oriented foci, mostly those that are of a psionic nature, or illusionary, or that contact the dead. Those seem like somewhat reasonable magicks to have in a Weird West setting.

Two-Make-Three Words in Scrabble, Part Two: E-K

This is part two of this series of posts that no one asked for, nor cares about. (But I care, and that's the important thing.) For intro remarks as to what this is all about, see Part One.

SYMBOLS
*   Word is new for Scrabble, as of OWL 2014 / OSPD5
†   Word is NOT valid in Words With Friends (but is valid in Scrabble)
‡   Word is NOT valid in Scrabble, but IS valid in Words With Friends (not comprehensive)
(And of course, no symbol means the word should be fine to play in pretty much anything.)

Ed (as in, "special ed")

BED: what you lie on to go to sleep
FED: 'cause "feeded" isn't a word
GED: Scottish for "pike" (the kind of fish)
LED: you led and I followed
MED: 'cause saying "medicine" or "medication" is too much work
PED: a naturally occurring clump of soil
RED: not blue
TED: what a hay tedder does ("tedder" is also valid, and "tedders" is even a bingo)
WED: married
ZED: British for "zee", i.e. the name of the letter Z
 ---
EDH: variant spelling of "eth", spelled out name of the Old English letter ð
EDS: more than one education

Ef (the letter F)

KEF: variant spelling of "kif", a cannabis product
REF: 'cause saying "referee" is too much work
 ---
EFF: variant spelling of "ef", aka "F"
EFS: F's
EFT: a newt in its terrestrial phase

Eh (verbal pause... more or less the same as "uh")

FEH: variant spelling of "fe" (the Hebrew letter)
HEH: variant spelling of "he" (the Hebrew letter)
MEH: what Bart Simpson says (compare "doh") *
PEH: variant spelling of "pe" (the Hebrew letter)
YEH: dialectal variant of "you", as in "are yeh all right, laddies!?"
 ---
(no back hooks for "eh")

El (the letter L)

BEL: ten decibels in a bel (the bel being the original, now nearly forgotten, measure of loudness)
CEL: 'cause saying "cellular telephone" is too much work
DEL: mathematical slang for "delta"
EEL: a quintessentially slippery sea creature
GEL: 'cause saying "gelatinous stuff" is too much work
MEL: medical shorthand for "honey"
SEL: Scottish for "self"
TEL: a mound of interest to archaeologists
 ---
ELD: old-timey variant of "old", related to the word "elder"
ELF: one of Santa's helpers
ELK: a deer-like animal
ELL: variant of "el", i.e. the letter L
ELM: a kind of tree
ELS: L's

Em (the letter M)

FEM: slang for a woman
GEM: like a jewel
HEM: like hemming your pants (or hemming and hawing)
MEM: the Hebrew letter מ
REM: short for "remark", "reminder", or "rapid eye movement" (use context to distinguish)
 ---
EME: Scottish for "uncle"
EMF: electromotive force (can be lowercase, so it's allowed)
EMO: kids these days and their music/fashion choices (note: I have nothing against emo and wish WWF would recognize it as a valid word also) *†
EMS: M's
EMU: a kind of funky-looking bird

En (the letter N)

BEN: the back room of a two-room cottage (yay for more Scots dialect words)
DEN: an animal's lair
FEN: a kind of swamp
GEN: short for "generation", as in "Gen X"
HEN: a lady chicken
KEN: scope of possible understanding, as in, "beyond the ken of mere mortals"
MEN: more than one man
PEN: what people used to write with before computers
SEN: formerly, 1/100th of a yen (no longer minted but still a valid word)
TEN: between nine and eleven
WEN: a kind of cyst old people get on their scalps
YEN: Japanese unit of currency
 ---
END: finish
ENG: spelled-out name of the IPA symbol ŋ, which represents the sound of ng, as in "sing"
ENS: N's

Er (chiefly British variant of "eh" or "uh")

FER: as in, what'cha did that fer? (fer real)
HER: not him
PER: as in, this lame blog has only a couple of posts per month
SER: an old-school unit of weight in India, 1/40th of a maund (also valid)
 ---
ERA: a period of history (longer than an epoch but shorter than an eon)
ERE: fancy-pants word for "before", e.g. "able was I ere I saw Elba", which Napoleon definitely did NOT say
ERG: a unit of work (one dyne moving it one centimeter equals one erg)
ERN: variant spelling of "erne" (also valid) a kind of eagle
ERR: as in, "to err is human"
ERS: variant spelling of ervil, a kind of vetch, which is in turn a kind of plant ("ervil" and "vetch" are both valid words also)... and, also note that "ers" is singular-- the plural is "erses"

Es (the letter S)

HES: more than one of the letter "he" (ה)
OES: more than one "oe"
PES: more than one of the letter "pe"
RES: more than one "re" (as in, do-re-mi)
YES: not no
 ---
ESS: variant of "es", i.e. the letter S
EST: variant of Scientology *†

Et (I done et up some grits, y'all)

BET: to wager
FET: old-timey variant spelling of "fetch"
GET: to take
HET: 'cause saying "heterosexual" is too much work
JET: a kind of airplane (note: "jet" frequently gets back-hooked by "jete" [a ballet move], so be aware of that)
LET: allow
MET: 'cause "meeted" isn't a word
NET: like a fish net
PET: an animal you keep because it's cute
RET: a method of producing linen from flax (it's a verb, so rets, retted, etc, all should be valid too)
SET: I read somewhere that "set" sets the record for highest number of dictionary definitions for a single word
TET: variant spelling of "teth" (the Hebrew letter)
VET: veteran or veterinarian (use context to distinguish)
WET: not dry
YET: now or but (use context to distinguish)
 ---
ETA: Greek letter H
ETH: Old English letter ð

Ex (the letter X)

DEX: street name for "dextroamphetamine," a drug whose legitimate use is to treat ADHD but which can also be abused (also called "dexy" or "dexie", both also valid words)
HEX: a voodoo spell
KEX: British for "cow parsnip" or "wild chervil" (or the dried stalks thereof)
LEX: legalese for "law"
REX: fancy-pants word for "king"
SEX: tee-hee! (note that this can be back-hooked with either "sexy" or "sext".)
VEX: to annoy greatly (note: past tense can be vext or vexed, both very useful words to know if you wanna vex your opponents)
 ---
(no back-hooks for "ex")

Fa (a long-long way to run)

(no front-hooks for "fa")
 ---
FAB: fabulous
FAD: like Pokemon Go
FAH: variant of "fa" *†
FAN: a tool for making artificial wind
FAR: a long-long way to run
FAS: more than one fa, as in the do-re-mi-fa kind of fa
FAT: having excess adipose tissue
FAX: 'cause saying "facsimile machine" is too much work
FAY: a fairy, or (as an adjective) pertaining to fairies

Fe (Hebrew letter פ) 

(no front-hooks for "fe")
 ---
FED: gave food to
FEE: cost or fine
FEH: variant spelling of "fe"
FEM: slang for a woman
FEN: a kind of swamp
FER: as in, what'cha did that fer?
FES: more than one "fe"
FET: old-timey variant spelling of "fetch"
FEU: a "perpetual" lease/tenure of land (the feu is the basis of the feudal economic system)
FEW: not many
FEY: uncanny (sometimes used as a variant spelling of "fay")
FEZ: a kind of hat, said by some to be cool

Gi (karate outfit)*

(no front-hooks for "gi")
 ---
GIB: one half of a gib-and-cotter joint (has several other meanings as well)
GID: a cow disease wherein worms start to eat the cow's brain, causing it to stagger around, all "giddy"
GIE: Scottish for "give"
GIF: graphical interchange format (often lowercase, so it's allowed... pronounce it like "jiff" to annoy people) *†
GIG: as in frog-gigging (there are many other definitions/homonyms for this word, but remember this one so you won't forget its valid verb inflections)
GIN: booze made from juniper berries
GIP: Gibraltar pounds, yet another no-longer-extant unit of currency that can still be cashed in at the Bank of Scrabble
GIS: more than one gi (never mind that Japanese doesn't inflect plural words with -s) *
GIT: ...along li'l doggie

Go (don't stop)

AGO: in the past
EGO: the thinking self
 ---
GOA: a kind of gazelle
GOB: like a blob, but probably not as big
GOD: invisible sky father
GOO: slime, goop, gunk
GOR: a "mild oath", i.e. the British version of "golly" or "gosh"
GOS: plural form of "go", the traditional Othello-like board game (since there are different versions of go, like gomoku and Othello, I guess one could say that there are multiple "gos", though Words With Friends apparently disagrees.) †
GOT: have
GOX: gaseous oxygen
GOY: a Gentile

Ha (Ha. Haha. Hahahaha.)

AHA: eureka!
SHA: variant of "sh" (interjection meaning "be quiet")... I assume it's pronounced like "shuh"
WHA: wha...?
 ---
HAD: don't have it any more
HAE: Scottish for "have"
HAG: crone
HAH: lol
HAJ: variant spelling of hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca
HAM: goes good with green eggs
HAO: former unit of currency in Vietnam
HAP: old-timey variant of "happen"
HAS: got it
HAT: the thing on your head
HAW: belly laugh sound
HAY: cut and dried grass

He (Hebrew letter ה... it looks like StoneHEnge)

SHE: not he
THE: the one and only
 ---
HEH: variant of "he" (the Hebrew letter)
HEM: like hemming your pants (or hemming and hawing)
HEN: lady chicken
HEP: 1950s slang for cool, e.g., "are you a hep cat, daddy-o?"
HER: not him
HES: more than one ה
HET: a heterosexual
HEW: to chop with an ax or similar
HEX: a voodoo spell
HEY: what's up?

Hi (hi there)

CHI: variant spelling of "qi" (meaning life force)
GHI: variant spelling of "ghee" (meaning clarified butter)
KHI: another variant spelling of "qi"
PHI: Greek letter Φ, or lowercase ϕ
 ---
HIC: hiccup sound
HID: 'cause you can't say, "I hided it"
HIE: old-timey word for "hurry up"
HIM: not her
HIN: Old Testament unit of measure (a bit less that a gallon and a half); see Exo. 29:40
HIP: your leg-to-body joint
HIS: not hers
HIT: to strike

Hm (Hm... hmm... hmmmmm)

OHM: a unit of measure for electrical resistance
 ---
HMM: hmmmmmm! (Note: two ems is the max on this)

Ho (Westward ho!)

MHO: obsolete electrical term referring to the reciprocal of the ohm (the measure of electrical resistance)
OHO: aha! oh ho!
PHO: a kind of vegetable soup popular in Vietnam *†
RHO: Greek letter P (but pronounced like an R)
THO: though
WHO: which person?
 ---
HOB: British for stove-top (e.g. "the kettle is on the hob")
HOD: a tool for carrying bricks and/or mortar over your shoulder
HOE: a garden tool used to break up your fallow ground
HOG: pig
HON: 'cause saying "honey" is too much work
HOO: variant of the interjection "ho!", as in "Westward hoooo!" (but two ohs max) †
HOP: ...skip and a jump
HOS: some kind of technical chemistry term †
HOT: not cold
HOW: in what way?
HOY: a kind of boat

Id (the id, ego, and superego comprise the psyche)

AID: help
BID: the buyer's requested price
DID: 'cause you can't say "I doed it."
FID: a bar to hold the bowsprit in extended position (nautical term, obviously)
GID: a cow brain disease (related to the word "giddy")
HID: 'cause you can't say, "I hided it"
KID: 'cause saying "child" is too much work
LID: removable top
MID: 'cause saying "middle" is too much work
RID: to disencumber
 ---
IDS: more than one "id"

If (if only)

KIF: a relaxing Middle Eastern hemp product, also spelled "keef" or "kef"
RIF: variant spelling of "riff" (the musical slang term)
 ---
IFF: mathematics/logic term meaning "if and only if"
IFS: no ifs, ands, or buts!

In (not out)

AIN: Scottish for "own"
BIN: a large container
DIN: fancy word for "noise"
FIN: like what a shark has
GIN: booze made from juniper berries
HIN: Old Testament unit of measure
JIN: variant spelling of "jinn", i.e. a genie (think Aladdin)
KIN: 'cause saying "family" is too much work
LIN: Scottish for "waterfall" (also spelled "linn")
PIN: a pointy thing used to attach things to other things (or the act of so doing)
RIN: formerly, 1/10th of a sen (and therefore 1/1000th of a yen)
SIN: doing wrong
TIN: a kind of metal (can be plural, tins, when referring to tin containers, as in "I ate three tins of cookies")
VIN: fancy word for "wine" †
WIN: opposite of losing
YIN: as in "yin and yang" (and of course, "yang" is also valid)
ZIN: a dry red wine
 ---
INK: colored fluid used for writing
INN: an old-school hotel
INS: I know the ins and outs of Scrabble

Is (what it is)

AIS: more than one "ai"
BIS: more than one "bi"
CIS: usually this is short for "cisgendered", the opposite of "transgendered" (that Latin prefix cis- also appears in the word cisalpine, also a valid word, meaning the near side of the Alps [near to Italy that is])
DIS: 'cause saying "disrespect" is too much work
HIS: belonging to him
LIS: more than one "li"
MIS: more than one "mi"
PIS: more than one "pi"
SIS: 'cause saying "sister" is too much work
TIS: more than one "ti"
VIS: as in "vis a vis"
WIS: old-timey word meaning "to know"
XIS: more than one "xi"
 ---
ISM: slangy term for any political faction or philosophy

It (what is it?)

AIT: British for "river island"
BIT: a small amount
DIT: spoken Morse code for "dot"
FIT: in good shape
GIT: git along little doggy
HIT: to strike
KIT: a collection of tools, supplies, etc
LIT: lighted
NIT: a louse's egg (which is very small, like what a nit-picker would pick at)
PIT: a hole or cavity
SIT: to take a seat
TIT: a small songbird... yes definitely just that
WIT: clever brains
ZIT: 'cause saying "pimple" is too much work
 ---
ITS: possessive of it... note no apostrophe

Jo (Scottish for "sweetheart")

(no front hooks for "jo")
 ---
JOB: a post of employment, or something pertaining to it
JOE: slang for "coffee"
JOG: kind of like running
JOT: to write quickly
JOW: Scottish for the sound a ringing bell makes (pronounced like "joe")
JOY: the feeling of happiness

Ka (the spiritual self in Egyptian mythology)

OKA: a former unit of weight in Turkey, close enough to the kilogram that when Turkey adopted the metric system they decided to call kilograms "okas".
SKA: a kind of music
 ---
KAB: ancient unit of measure, equal to about a quart
KAE: daw
KAF: variant spelling of "kaph" (the Hebrew letter)
KAS: more than one "ka"
KAT: variant spelling of "qat"
KAY: the letter K

Ki (variant of Qi)

SKI: long, flat shoes for sliding down a mountain
 ---
KIF: a kind of cannabis product
KIN: 'cause saying "family" is too much work
KIP: unit of currency in Laos
KIR: a kind of wine
KIS: more than one ki †
KIT: a collection of tools, supplies, etc

A Ruinman's Villanelle

This poem will be (probably) my submission for the Love In the Ruins project (scroll down to the row of asterisks). This particular anthology is planned to include both prose and poetry. And since I am equally mediocre at both, I thought I'd give poetry a try this time around. Wish me luck. ;)

(Feel free to skip ahead to the poem itself if you don't want to read my navel-gazing introductory thoughts and thereby prejudice your first impression of the work. You won't be missing much.)

The "idea" of this poem is that it's a folk song that ruinmen (i.e. people who sift through the detritus of long-since collapsed industrial civilization seeking things to salvage and sell) might sit around a campfire and sing on a cold night, thinking of family and home, beneath the crumbling remains of a highway overpass stretching from one forgotten metropolis to another. (Although the poem seems to be disapproving of the work ruinmen do, I could see a song like this being popular among the more introspective of ruinmen, who no doubt feel some ambivalence toward their profession. And in any event, pretty much any working person has days when they'd rather be home.)

The form the poem takes is a villanelle, which technically isn't a true folk song form, but which is said to be inspired by country folk songs of the nineteenth century (an "imitation of peasant songs of an oral tradition", as Wikipedia puts it). I have tried to hew as close as I can to that aspect of the traditional villanelle by keeping the poem as simple and folksy as I am able to make it, while still (hopefully) being evocative and interesting as a poem. Did I succeed? That is, of course, not for me to decide.

(And yes, I know that "ruinman" is a coinage from Star's Reach and that the Love in the Ruins project is unrelated to the fictional universe of SR. But in any post-collapse setting, there is likely to be some equivalent to ruinmen. Where ruins and men coexist, there will be "ruinmen".)

***

Come Home Ere Falls the Night

My love, my love, d’you think you might
come back from the ruins where ivy grows?
Come home, come home, ere falls the night.

The lure of riches shining bright
cause men to dig up graves like crows.
My love, my love, d’you think it right?

At home love waits with hearth alight,
and fields are ripe in amber rows.
Come home, come home, ere falls the night.

The ancient men lie dead despite
the wonders ancient science knows.
My love, my love, d’you think you might

find aught to set the world aright?
Or truths profound your spade expose?
Come home, come home, ere falls the night.

Those shabby halls, they say once bright
are tombs for men whom no one knows.
My love, my love, d’you think you might
come home? Come home, ere falls the night.

Some Updates and What-Have-You

A few updates for the handful of people who follow the blog.

Tears of the Gods: The play-by-forum game this is based on is still ongoing, but there was a long hiatus over the holidays. Hoping the pace will pick back up this month. Regardless, I believe there's enough material already to fill out chapter 11, and I have started on it. I expect the next Tears installment will be ready before the end of the month.

Scrabble Two-Make-Three Words: Part Two of this is about half done, maybe a bit more than half. Probably it will be ready some time in the next couple of weeks. (I know no one cares about the Scrabble posts except me, but I care, and that's the important thing, right? Just be thankful I don't subject you to Esperanto posts, ĉar mi tute povas.) I'm estimating that there will ultimately be four total posts in that series (A-D, E-K, L-Q, and R-Z).

Character Creators: I do still want to add Flavors to the Cypher System character generator. Don't have an ETA on that, however. No plans (for the time being) to add any new features to the Numenera character generator.

Goodreads: I have an official author profile on Goodreads now. Does that mean I've "arrived" as a for-real, honest-to-goodness published author?

Fiction(al) Projects: I want to contribute a story to Vintage Worlds 2. Deadline for that is July 30th, but the idea I have in mind may end up novella length (i.e. over 12,000 words), so I reckon I'd best not wait 'til the last minute. I'm considering also making an attempt to contribute something to Love in the Ruins. Deadline for that is May 1st. I may also do a post with tips for would-be contributors to Space Bats and Vintage Worlds-type projects, something I have long threatened to do.

Blog Milestone: Troy Stories has reached over 4,000 page views as of today. My thanks to the many bots and handful of real people who suffer through reading my trite chicken-scratchings.

Ja'ek and the Beanstalk

This is a short story I submitted to CypherCaster magazine almost two years ago (in the spring of '17). They deferred on publishing it then, and by now I think it's safe to say they aren't going to publish it at all, so I figure I may as well publish it here.

It is the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, adapted for the far-future Numenera universe, written in a kind of folkloric / oral history / Old Testament / Lord Dunsany pastiche. (The Numenera core book mentions that the legend of Jack and the Beanstalk has somehow survived into the time of the Ninth World, some billion or so years hence, and attached itself as an origin story to an ancient abandoned space elevator known as "the Beanstalk". I thought it might be fun to flesh out one version of that legend in the voice of some of the residents of the Ninth World.)

I suspect that the highly unusual writing style of this story may be what was off-putting to the editors of CypherCaster. (That's just a theory though; I never got any feedback from them.) In any event, I now present to you Ja'ek and the Beanstalk, the story that was too weird even for Numenera's official fanzine. Enjoy!

________________

Ja’ek and the Beanstalk 

(as told by the Yosh, wise nomads of the Jagged Wastes)

It began, as many stories do, with a sibling rivalry. For Gla’iv was a mighty warrior, indeed the mightiest to ever stride the glassy wastes of the Dessanedi, but the fires of jealousy burned hot within her heart, as hot as the innards of the ember scions born of the extradimensional demon Gmol. For while Gla’iv was the mightiest of warriors, her sister Ja’ek had found much favor in the eyes of the peoples, being a teller of tales and a singer of songs. Indeed, Ja’ek was the greatest tale-teller and song-singer to ever pluck the buzzing-harp or thump the bass-gourd.

And so it came to pass that Gla’iv, in a fit of burning rage, rose up and tied her sister to the trunk of the scraggling tree (whose cube-fruit is sweet to the tongue but which harbors a dangerous parasite when overripe), and left her there to die from exposure to the elements, for Gla’iv was angry indeed.

And so it came to pass that Ja’ek, being in sore distress bound to the scraggling tree, spied the stooped form of the mad wise-woman Na’ano and her pet rubar in the distance. Now, Na’ano was wise in the secrets of esoteries and the numinous technology, the relics of the prior worlds, but foolish in the ways of sensible peoples. And so it was that as Na’ano slowly shuffled near, Ja’ek cried out to her, “O unfortunate Na’ano! Why do you suffer the pains of a stooped and crooked back when you could be straightened and hale like me!”

Na’ano squinted her rheumy eyes at Ja’ek suspiciously. “Do you indeed know the secret of straightening a crooked back? Or is this a trick? For I know that you are a tricky tale-teller, O Ja’ek.”

Ja’ek answered, saying, “O discerning Na’ano, it is no trick! For you can see yourself that my back is indeed straight.”

Na’ano carefully examined Ja’ek’s back and saw that her back was straight indeed. “Hm! Then tell me, what is the secret of a straightened back, O Ja’ek?”

“O clever Na’ano, the secret of a straightened back is to be tied to this tree for 28 hours, for this tree is touched by the numenera! And you can see that my back is straight, for indeed my 28 hours are passed. I offer to let you take my place!”

And so it was that Na’ano, being foolish in the ways of sensible people, agreed to untie Ja’ek and be tied to the scraggling tree in her place.

Ja’ek picked up Na’ano’s rubar and went home to the yurt she shared with Gla’iv. (For in those days, neither Ja’ek nor Gla’iv were yet married, but lived together in a yurt among the Yosh, who are a people most wise and sensible.)

Gla’iv was wroth to see Ja’ek still alive, but her fierce anger was abated when she saw that Ja’ek had acquired a rubar, for a rubar (having the likeness of a whiskered fish that goes about on dry land on many tiny legs) is a rare and useful companion indeed, happy to eat all manner of decaying flesh and refuse, and leaving no trace of corruption in its wake.

And it came to pass in that same year that a great famine arose in the land, for an infestation of chance moths had ravaged the wild liverbeans of the plains.

And so it was that Gla’iv, knowing that her sister was the more skilled negotiator and much loved of the peoples besides, sent Ja’ek up to Yosh-ul to barter the rubar for a bushel of liverbeans. (For the blood of a rubar, when congealed and fermented, makes a savory red pudding, luxurious food for one day, but a bushel of liverbeans is food for many days, and a sensible person knows that food for many days is far better than food for one day.)

On the way to Yosh-ul, Ja’ek once again encountered the mad wise-woman Na’ano.

“O Ja’ek, we meet again. And as you can see, my back is straight, as you said.”

And Ja’ek looked and saw that indeed Na’ano’s back was no longer stooped and crooked, but straightened and hale.

“O Na’ano, that’s… great!” said she. “The tree must be… indeed is... touched by the numenera! Just as I said!”

“Indeed it was. I disintegrated the tree to find how it worked, and found this among the ashes.” Na’ano thrust before Ja’ek’s eyes a tiny metallic bean with glowing blues lines upon it. “I hope to trade this numinous bean now for some food, for the famine in the land is great indeed.”

“O wise Na’ano, I would not see you starve! I have this healthy rubar, whose congealed blood makes a savory pudding, if you have aught to trade for it.”

Na’ano squinted at the rubar. “Your rubar looks familiar… very familiar indeed. But I suppose one rubar looks much the same as any other. I offer you the numinous bean for it.”

“O generous Na’ano, do not think me presumptuous, but my sister Gla’iv will be wroth with me if I come home with but a single numinous bean in exchange for the rubar. Do you have aught else?”

“I have naught else but this handful of stone-beans, which I found near the scraggling tree.”

The stone-beans had the likeness of ordinary pebbles.

“Then I shall trade you the rubar for the numinous bean and five of the stone-beans!”

And so it was that Ja’ek traded the rubar to Na’ano for six beans. And when Ja’ek arrived home with them, the fury of Gla’iv was kindled white-hot against her, for the beans had the likeness of five ordinary pebbles and a tiny piece of broken machinery. Gla’iv snatched the beans from the hand of Ja’ek and hurled them clear across the horizon, from the door of their yurt in the shadow of the Great Slab, across the windswept plains of Kataru, nearly unto the forest Ba’adenu (where the idolatrous tree-climbing ambushers dwell), a distance of 171 leagues, for Gla’iv was a mighty warrior indeed, and wroth.

And it came to pass that there the beans sprouted.

Overnight, the numinous bean sprouted into a great numinous tower of metal and glass, crisscrossed with many glowing blue lines, and so impossibly tall it simply disappeared into the unfathomable distance of the sky, even on a clear day. And the five stone-beans became five boulders the size of mountains that floated many cubits above the ground, moving in slow circles around the base of the “bean-stalk”.

And it came to pass that a giant climbed down the Beanstalk.

The giant Sanedi, a hollow man made of glass, one hundred and eleven times the height of an ordinary man, and filled with countless millions of curious insects, came down and stole the Falgre’en, the Singing Pipes. (For in those days, the idolatrous peoples of the southern plains and the forest Ba’adenu worshipped the Falgre’en, offering them gifts and prostrating themselves before them, obsequiously beseeching them for the most banal of blessings.)

And when Ja’ek and Gla’iv had heard of these things, the sprouting of the beans and the outrage of the giant, they resolved at once to travel south to the Beanstalk, though it was a journey of many days, for they were of the Yosh, adventurous and brave, and ready to take responsibility for their actions. And they brought with them the mad crone Na’ano with the promise of numenera to be studied.

And as these three stood at the base of the Beanstalk looking up into the clear sky, yet unable to discern the tower’s peak in the unthinkable distance, Na’ano declared that it would be too dangerous to climb it, for the Beanstalk rose all the way up unto the stars, and the stars are dangerous indeed.

Said Ja’ek, “O erudite Na’ano, can we not climb the Beanstalk during the day, when the stars are not out?” (For while Ja’ek was indeed wise in the ways of tale-telling and song-singing, she was foolish in the mysteries of astrological lore.)

Na’ano laughed. “O foolish child, you are indeed not wise in the mysteries of astrological lore. For the stars are indeed there both day and night, but are not visible in the day, being hidden behind the bright blue sea of the daytime sky.”

And the countenance of Ja’ek fell, for great was her disappointment that she could not climb the Beanstalk.

Na’ano spoke again. “O Ja’ek, do not despair, letting your countenance fall, thinking that you will not climb the Beanstalk. For there is a way: a Star-Affector would allow the climb into the night sky to be undertaken safely.”

And Ja’ek answered, saying, “O brilliant Na’ano, where might we obtain this Star-Affector?”

And Na’ano answered, saying, “I could build one. It requires the hide and silken webs of a stellar weaver, whose flesh is formed of the very night sky itself and whose lairs are portals to other dimensions. It requires also the heart of a dark fathom, whose likeness is that of a metallic man but whose core is a voracious black hole, drawing in and crushing all forms of matter and energy. And lastly, it requires the organic brain of a dread destroyer, a feared war-machine of antiquity capable of flattening a great city from a distance of many leagues. With these things, I could build a Star-Affector.”

And Gla’iv, who had until this point listened to the exchange in silence, answered, saying, “I’m on it.”

And so it was that Gla’iv journeyed to the Black Riage mountains many leagues to the west, and there found the extradimensional lair of a stellar weaver, whose flesh is formed of the very night sky itself, and slew it, taking its hide and silken webs.

And so it was also that Gla’iv journeyed to the Malingering Valley within the Caecilian Jungle (where the calming tifo-fruit grows) many leagues to the north, and there found a dark fathom, whose likeness is that of a metallic man but whose core is a voracious black hole, and slew it, taking its black-hole heart from its dark iron ribcage.

And finally, so it was also that Gla’iv journeyed to the vast salt-flats of Errid Kaloum many leagues to the southeast, and there found, standing alone in the middle of the salt-plain, a lonely dread destroyer, programmed to defend at all costs an ancient structure that had fallen to dust uncountable eons ago. And Gla’iv slew it as well, taking its organic brain from its heavily armored hull.

And Gla’iv brought these things back to Na’ano, who worked through the night to build the Star-Affector. And Na’ano showed Ja’ek how to use the Star-Affector, twisting the knob to the left to attract the stars, and to the right to repel them.

And so it was that Ja’ek twisted the knob to the right, strapped the Star-Affector to her back, and started climbing.

And Ja’ek climbed and climbed, and climbed yet more. She climbed to the clouds and kept climbing, leaving the clouds far below. She climbed even to the height of the stars (which are dangerous indeed, being polished, razor-edged metal discs that reflect the sun’s rays as they fly in orderly formation across the sky at tremendous speeds, and even the smallest star is as big as three or four yurts.)

But the Star-Affector that Na’ano had built worked well, repelling the stars (for Na’ano, though mad, was most wise in the ways of the numenera), and so it was that Ja’ek was able to safely climb all the way to the very top of the Beanstalk.

For it had come to pass that an enormous star had collided with the Beanstalk and was firmly stuck in place at the very top.

Ja’ek turned off the Star-Affector and stood atop the star, which was as vast as the teeming city of Nebalich in the land of Seshar, where the red stone is quarried. She looked and beheld a colossal castle of glass, sprawling as wide as any human city and standing as tall as the Twisted Spire that grows disquietingly amid the faraway Amorphous Fields beyond the Twin Seas.

But Ja’ek, being of the Yosh and very brave, was undeterred. She entered the vast star-castle, seeking the stolen Falgre’en.

A booming voice shook the castle to its very foundations. “Fid, Fad, Fod, Fud! I’ve caught the scent of a human’s blood!” Booming footsteps followed.

And so Ja’ek ran and hid. (For the Yosh, though unquestionably brave and adventurous, are also most prudent and sensible). And Ja’ek was clever and quick, staying out of the sight of the giant, who shouted rhyming curses and threats continually as it searched the castle high and low for Ja’ek.

And so it was, that as Ja’ek fled the giant she came across the Falgre’en, the Singing Pipes, which the giant had stolen from their worshipers. And Ja’ek took up the Falgre’en (which had the likeness of a bundle of pipes of various sizes and materials, none longer than a man’s arm, bound together with a rawhide cord), intending to flee the star-castle with them.

But it came to pass that as Ja’ek lifted the Singing Pipes, they cried out in a chorus of many ethereal musical voices, “O Sanedi, noble giant! Come quickly, for this thief seeks to steal us from your mighty star-castle!”

And so it was that the giant caught Ja’ek, easily picking her up in one hand, for the giant was one hundred and eleven times the height of a human man.

Said the giant, “Fah, feh, fih, fuu! The thief shall make a tasty stew!”

Said Ja’ek, “O feckless Falgre’en, why have you thus betrayed your rescuer? Do you not wish to be returned to your faithful worshipers, to be doted on and beseeched for blessings every day?”

And the Falgre’en answered, saying, “O foolish thief, why should I wish to return to the obsequious fawning of those pitiable simpletons? Besides which, I am in love with the noble giant Sanedi.”

And Ja’ek answered, saying, “O enigmatic Falgre’en, how can it be that you are in love with the giant Sanedi, seeing that you are a bundle of pipes not longer than a man’s arm, and seeing that the giant Sanedi is a hollow glass construct one hundred and eleven times the height of a human man, filled with countless millions of curious insects, and lacking in visible reproductive anatomy besides?”

(For such was the giant.)

And the Falgre’en answered, saying, “O hateful thief, it is not for you to deny true love!”

Thus Ja’ek knew it would be fruitless to argue with the Falgre’en, for she could see they were indeed in love with the giant Sanedi. And so Ja’ek said to the giant, “O noble Sanedi! I beg your forgiveness, for I indeed did not know the true love that existed between you and the Falgre’en. If you will let me go to return to Earth, I will give, in exchange for my life, this artifact that allows one to control the stars themselves! For I was able to climb up here without danger from the stars with the help of this Star-Controller!”

And so with many words and blandishments, Ja’ek convinced the giant Sanedi to take the Star-Affector. But before she handed it over, she surreptitiously twisted its knob to the left and broke it off, for Ja’ek was a player of tricks. The giant took the Star-Affector into the inside of its hollow body where the curious insects that controlled it could examine it more closely.

And so it was that Ja’ek was released to climb back down the Beanstalk.

But it came to pass that the giant realized that the artifact was not as Ja’ek had represented, being able only to affect the stars, not control them directly. And the giant was wroth, and began to climb down the Beanstalk in pursuit, shouting, “Fie! Vie! Nie! Hie! Today a wretched thief shall die!” For the rage of the giant was greatly kindled against Ja’ek.

But the Star-Affector was still stuck in attraction mode. And so it was that the many stars, from the smallest to the greatest, swarmed the giant as he tried to climb down the Beanstalk and knocked him from it.

And great was the fall thereof.

The body of the giant Sanedi fell to the Earth and shattered into countless billions of fragments not far from Yosh-ul, creating the glass-covered Des-sanedi, the Jagged Wastes.

And the curious insects that survived created smaller versions of the giant, the Sons of Sanedi (known as “ettericks” in the ignorance-blighted lands of the so-called Steadfast west of the Black Riage mountains), and to this day, these go about on the Earth, seeking numenera to return them to their rightful star-castle, not speaking to humans so as to never be tricked again (though the Sons of Sanedi are indeed capable of communication).

And it came to pass that many years after the fall of the giant Sanedi, Ja’ek was exploring the Jagged Wastes and came upon the Falgre’en, the Singing Pipes, again. (For the giant had brought the Falgre’en when chasing Ja’ek, and they had fallen to the Earth as well.)

And the Pipes cried out with many ethereal musical voices, “O murderous thief, we meet again! Tell us your name that we might curse you with a thousand curses!”

And Ja’ek answered, saying, “O merciful Falgre’en, do not be wroth with me, for I, Gla’iv the Mighty, in my great wrath and anger to avenge your theft, did not know that you loved the giant Sanedi so!”

And the Falgre’en answered, saying, “O Gla’iv, I curse you to be ruled by your great anger, to seek to smash any obstacle instead of finding the way around, to seek to slay your foes instead of seeking compromise, to always do everything the hard way!”

(And thus are those who follow the path of Gla’iv under a curse.)

And Ja’ek laughed, for indeed her true name was not Gla’iv the Mighty.

And the Falgre’en again cried out with many ethereal voices, “O treacherous blackguard, you laugh because that is not your true name! We command you to tell us your true name that we might curse you with a thousand curses!”

And Ja’ek answered, saying, “O compassionate Falgre’en, do not be furious with me, for I, Na’ano the Mad, indeed sought only to explore the star-castle in my great curiosity for the numenera!”

And the Falgre’en answered, saying, “O Na’ano, I curse you to be ruled by your great curiosity, to seek to disturb that which is better left undisturbed, to seek out always the secrets of the numinous, no matter the danger, to always find trouble!”

(And thus are those who follow the path of Na’ano under a curse also.)

And Ja’ek laughed, for indeed her true name was not Na’ano the Mad either.

And the Falgre’en again cried out with many ethereal musical voices, “O pernicious dissembler, you again laugh because that also is not your true name! Tell us your true name, for our patience grows short!”

And Ja’ek answered, saying, “O magnanimous Falgre’en, do not be enraged with us, for we, Falgre’en the Pipes, indeed sought only to escape from the giant and not to kill him!”

But this the Pipes did not answer, remaining silent. For while the Falgre’en are indeed foolish in the ways of humans, there are limits to their foolishness.

And as the Falgre’en would no longer speak to Ja’ek, she carried them to Yosh-ul, meeting place of the wise and sensible Yosh, and there bartered them for a bowl of savory red rubar-blood pudding. For a sensible person knows that it is far better to satisfy one’s hunger than to satisfy one’s curiosity for the numinous, for the numenera is dangerous indeed.

And to this day the Beanstalk still stands where mighty Gla’iv planted it, visible for many leagues around, awaiting the day when some foolish champion will again climb it and attain the giant’s star-castle.

***

Many outlandish variations of the story of Ja’ek and the Beanstalk are told amongst the benighted non-Yosh peoples. The idolatrous tree-dwellers of the Ba’adenu (who despise the ground and still worship the Falgre’en to this day) have a version, in which the Falgre’en is a plant-creature having the likeness of a woman. The people of Salachia (who dwell hundreds of leagues below the surface of the salty sea Sere Marica) have a version, in which the giant’s fall created the Twin Seas. Even the useless philosophers of the Clock (who were once wisest of all in the ways of esoteries and the numenera) have a version, in which the stars are colossal spheres of continuously exploding superheated gas, an outlandish superstition indeed. But the story of Ja’ek and the Beanstalk as told by the Yosh is the correct one, full of much wisdom and literally true in every detail, for the Yosh are a people most wise and sensible.